Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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