eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Randomize
