Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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