I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
