we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
