Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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