I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
