Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
