You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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