Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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