I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
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