We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
