He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
