remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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