were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
