Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
