he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
