Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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