Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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