five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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