I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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