just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
