Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
