Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
