paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
