I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
