Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
She's like a pop up book from hell.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Ladies don't puke and tell
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
