Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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