Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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