Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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