Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
