Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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