So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
