how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
worst night to have a conscience
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
