somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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