So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
