if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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