I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
