Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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