Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
