i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
