chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
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