we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
