you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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