Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
