My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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