Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
