I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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