in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
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