I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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