before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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