i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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