i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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