I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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