Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
