three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
