Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
