none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
