when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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