I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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