I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
