My boss' voice literally gives me gas
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
