By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
