Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
