I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
