we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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