I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
