You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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