What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
